Good bye “Taco Tuesday”…Hello “FAITH” :D

I  had  way  too  many  sugary  coffee  drinks  today.

I  ran  out  of  Apple  Cider  Vinegar…Which  means  my  cardio  game  has  to  be  on  point….

AND

I  had  to  cancel  TACO  TUESDAY,  which  would  have  undone  all  of  my  hard work  in  exercising  anyhow…..a  chance  that  I was  willing  to  take. 😀

taco 2

taco 1

I  had  a  long  day  today,  and  through  out  my  day  I  had  to call  on  Jesus.  At  one  point  I  let  the  tears  flow  for  a  minute.  Nothing  went  my  way  as  planned,  which  is  why  I  often  leave  room  for  “change”  when  I  do  plan.  Life  is  funny  that  way.  I  could  not  feel  down  for  too  long,  because  I  know  that  God  is  in  control.  So  His  promises  made  to  me  uplifted  my  soul.  Whenever  I  pray,  I  always  ask  the  Lord  for  wisdom  and  knowledge.  We  can  fall  into  the  habit  of  seeking  his  hand  before  we  seek  his  face…expecting  Him  to  always;  give…give…give.  We  have  to  learn  to  listen  to  Jesus. What  is  He  instructing  us to  do  when  we  pray?  Prayer  is  not just  about  “us”  talking  to  Him,  we  also  have  to  listen.  That  is  what  communication  is.

God  has  been  telling  me  that  effective  prayer  has  nothing  to  do  with  us  using  big  words  when  we  pray,  or  praying  in  a  sort  of  robotic  formation.  It  is  literally  quoting  the  word  of  God  in  our  prayers.  There  are  promises  of  Blessings  that  the  Lord  has  made  to  us,  protection,  breaking  of  generational  curses,  within  the  scripture,  and  so  much  more  concerning  our  day  to  day  lives,  that,  when  we  speak  the  word  in  our  prayers  out  loud,  something  begins  to  happen…something  powerful.  We  are  reconfirming  His  promises.  Jesus  begins  to  move  on  our  behalf.  This  is  why  it  is  so  important  to  be  saved,  to  know  and  understand  the  scriptures,  and  keep  the  scriptures  in  our  hearts  so  that  whatever  we  are  facing  in  life…we  can  refer  back  to  the  Bible,  and  speak  the  word  of  God  into  our  situation.

Keep  God’s  word  close  to  your  heart

(Proverbs 6:21-22) “Bind  them  continually  upon  thine  heart,  and  tie  them  about  thy  neck, 22) When  thou  goest,  it  shall  lead  thee;  when  thou  sleepest,  it  shall  keep  thee;  and  when  thou  awakest,  it  shall  talk  with  thee.”

Watch  how  your  life…your  day….your  attitude  towards  both,  change. You  will  begin  to  see  miracles  happen  and  your  prayers  being  answered  in  a  way  where  your  life  is  fulfilled…when  you  begin  to  quote  the  scriptures  out  loud.  God’s  word  cannot  return  to  him  <void>.  Meaning,  if  He  says  so,  according  to  His  will  and  scriptures….He  must  perform  it  and  carry  out  His  word,  because  He  is  not  a  liar.

(Isaiah 55:11) So shall my word be that goeth forth out of my mouth: it shall not return unto me void, but it shall accomplish that which I please, and it shall prosper in the thing whereto I sent it.

I  had  the  Blessing  of  talking  to  my  Mom  through  out  my  day,  and  I  said  to  her, I  did  everything  that  I  could…Jesus  has  to  give  the  increase.  She  said  to  me;  “Well  He  does  not  have  to,  but  He  will.”  I  said,  “No,  Mom…He  has  to.  He  said  that  He  would.”  We  are  trained  to  fear  the  Lord  in  the  wrong  sort  of  way…not  fear  as  in  reverence,  but  fear  as  in,  fearing  what  we  say  and  how  we  say  it.  As  I  grow  in  Christ,  I  am  learning  the  true  meaning  of  the  scripture  that  states;  “My  people  are  destroyed  for  lack  of  knowledge.” (Hosea 4:6)  Jesus  desires  for  us  to  know  Him  so  well,  that  we  have  the  certainty  in  our  own  hearts  that  if  He  said  it…so  it  shall  be,  and  no  one  can  tell  us  differently.

There  is  a  trust  that  goes  along  with  stating  to  someone:  “Yes!  He  HAS  to  do  it!”  It  is  like  our  children  reminding  us  of  promises  that  we made  to  them.  Their  hearts  are  so  filled  with  the  certainty  and  assurance  that  Mom  and  Dad  will  do  what  they  said  they  will  do.  The  only  difference  is,  which  is  a  huge  difference,  is  that  we  often  fail  and  fall  short  of  the  promises  that  we  make.  We  don’t  always  keep  them.  We  then  turn  into  liars. With  every promise  broken,  our  children  LEARN  to  not  trust  us.  I  can’t  imagine  my  Heavenly  Father  losing  my  trust.  He  does  not  want  us  to  either.

(Proverbs 3:5-6) ”  Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.  In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.”

In  our  obedience  to  Him  in  studying  His  word,  we  find  healing,  peace,  love,  faith, Blessings,  joy,  fulfillment,  answers  to  our  prayers,  direction,  etc.

Life  may  not  go  YOUR  way,  but  it  can  go  GOD’S  way….and  His  way  is  better  than  ours.

Confessions of a Writer: No perfect parent

My parenting was nonchalant today.

I woke up with a sore body and a full list of things to do. My son had gymnastics…and I did not take him. We were supposed to go to the park, and we did not go. I was supposed to clean my house…but that sat on the dusty shelf. Instead…my 8 year old cuddled with me and played “Roblox” before I got out of bed entirely. He ate cereal and watched cartoons. We went grocery shopping. We came home….watched the sun and the clouds through the living room window, he played games, while I made lunch. I fussed with his Dad over an exhausting phone call. Then I wrote. I added to my book after talking to Jesus for a minute….and I was so happy with what I produced.

My refusal to live by an expected schedule today, gave me peace. My son was happy. I was happy. Our home was peaceful and not rushed. We took our time and just savored an unscheduled day.

 New Yorka at ❤ 

My Mom and I sat and had a real conversation. She told me if it weren’t for her Mom and Dad moving her and her siblings out of New York…she would have probably been dead. She retold her stories of the project wars, the strung out druggies and alcoholics blanketing the stairways and hallway floors in her apartment building…even her unsavory peer connections. I learned from my Momma, how to carry a blade in my mouth, never with the intention of me doing it, but that was a part of her survival and a part of her story. Dealing with a lot of bullying, she resorted to what she knew and was taught in her world, as self-defense. Her greatest lesson was respect and self-respect. Growing up in New York she learned how to respect others…the addicts, the bodega workers, the church mothers, the Puerto Ricans, the Jews, the blacks, whites, in betweens, etc. All in such contrast of one another…but human beings none the less. She understood too well, what bullying does to people and also how self-respect and defense keeps the oppressor in line. She was quiet, yet could become a weapon towards her enemies within moments. Her attitude in life is the same, where she is now. She has a gentleness about her because she is a Mother and Grandma, but she owns every sittuation that she walks into. I am my Mother’s daughter.

When life “Happens” (and it will)…who can we trust in?

A  very  close  friend  of  mine  once  said  to  me;  “When  it’s  the  end,  and  everyone  is  saying  their  final  goodbyes…nothing  else  matters  at  that  moment.  It  does  not  matter  if  you  are  a  Democrat  or  Republican,  it’s  just  that  moment.”  He  shared  this  with me,  having  experienced  the  loss  of  his  very  best  friend.

There  are  certain  events  in  our  lives  that  change  how  we  see  things,  forever.  I  almost  lost  my  son  to  illness.  “I  am  what  happens”,  when  a  young  ovulating  woman  is  raped.  I’m  here.  Neither  planned,  and  not  always  hoped  for  in  the  beginning.  But  I’m  here.  My  marriage  failed…..we  failed  our  marriage.  I  left  my  matrimony  through  a  window  and  found  myself  pulling  my  son  through  the same.  We  caught  a  Greyhound  with  a  few  bags,  and  we’ve  been  living  a  new  life  ever  since.  A  childhood  friend  of  mine  hung  himself, just  a  couple  of  days  after  seeing  my  Mom  at  the  store,  hugging  her,  and  speaking  so  highly  of  his  family.  Years before  this,  he  said to  me; “Pray  for  me,  that  God  gives  me  the  desire  to  go  back  to  church.” We  never  really  know  the  battle  of  someones  spirit  and  mind.

These  happenings  change  everything  we  believe  in.  It  does  not  change  the  source  of  our  beliefs.  It  changes  the  receiver (us).  If  I  talk  about  worldly  topics  with  no  direction,  conviction  or  any  sort  of  spiritual  betterment….people  like  me.  If  my  writing  is  full  of  “Jesus”,  folks  either  keep  quiet  or  have  more  to  say  that  gets  no  where.  I  don’t  debate  scripture.  I  don’t  entertain  scoffers.  I  will  answer  questions  (with  scripture) for  a  minute,  then  I  move  on,  if  I  see  it  will  get  know  where,  but  in  an  argument.  I  don’t  have  time  for  that…neither  does  anyone  else.  This  is  the  state  of  our  world.  Either  way,  I  am  fine.  My  lifeline  is  where  my  faith  lies.  My  upbringing  has  little  to  do  with  my  love  for  God.  Some  would  say that’s  not true,  but  it  is  very true.  As  strict  as  my mother  was,  I  had  a  lot  of  freedom.  I  did  not  live  in  a  Religious  home.  I  am  SO  thankful  for  that.  If  I  did,  I  would  have  grown  up  like  many  of  these  writers  whom  have  been  “enlightened”  by  “something”….and  have  the  answers  to  “inner  peace”,  that  floats  around  in  the  Universe  somewhere.  I  learned  about  Faith  and  Hope.

I was  raised  to  believe  in  Jesus  Christ,  but  I  was  not  raised  to  feel  condemned  to  hell  when  I  made  mistakes.  That  is  what  religion  does….it  condemns.  That  is  far  from  the  character  of  Christ.

(John 3:17) “For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved.

Life  tosses  us  around,  like  the  contents  of  a  shaken  snow globe.  We  have  to  hope  and  have  faith  that  when  everything  settles,   we  land  on  our  feet…unscathed.  Often  times  we  don’t.  Then  what?  I  know  with  whom  I  can  trust  in….but  do  you?

 

 

Sound❤

One of my favorite songs! The strength behind her vocals and her bravado shows her passion. And look at how he looks at her while she sings……..

Sneaking Make-Up and Selling Cigarettes.

My  mother  was  this  Apostolic/Pentecostal  girl  being  brought  up  in  Far Rockaway,  New York.

She  was  the  youngest  of  4  siblings.

Her  Mamma  was  this  petite  Gospel  singing  West  Virginian,  red  headed  Black/Native American/Ethiopian  woman  as  elegant  as  could  be.

She  wore  her  dresses  so  gracefully.  She  raised  her  kids  with  the  utmost  respect.  Church  and  family  were  the  epitome  of  her  life.

My  mom’s  father,  was  this  tall  full  blooded  Mojave  Native  American  man…a  playboy  if  I  may.  Black  slick  hair  like  Ricky  Ricardo.

He  loved  the  idea  of  family.  Worked  hard  for  his  family…but  could  not  keep  his  eyes  from  wandering.

My grandparents  were  a  combination  of   hoison sauce and  chili  peppers…sweet,  sour,  and  spicy.  My Grandmother  was  sweet  and  my  Grandfather  had  always  been  that  bite  In  your  mouth,  often  ensuing  in  sour  situations.

This  resulted  in  the  strangest  sort  of  children  between  the  two  of  them.  My  mother  was  an introverted  emo,  with  a  love  for  art.  She had  the  cliché  “Hard” New York  exterior…for  good  reason.

She  was  not   permitted  to  cut  her  hair  because  of  her  Christian  beliefs.   Her   mane  went  past  her  derriere.    She  was  often  picked  on  and  could  not  find  solace  with  the  Black  kids…so  she  hung  out  with  the  Puerto  Ricans.

Her  mom  was  strict,  which  made  my  mom  clever.  She  was  not  allowed  to  wear  make-up…but  being  a  rebellious  teen,  she  snuck  it.   She  would  meet up  with  her  best  friend  Josey (her  Puerto  Rican  sister),  and  they  would  drink  Bustelo  café  con  leche  before  heading  off  to  school;  “Beach Channel”.

“We  skipped  class  and  sold  cigarettes  to  earn  money  for  sub  sandwiches!”

Mom  returned  home  from  school  and  her  Momma  was  right  there  waiting  for  her……she  forgot  to  wipe  her  face  off.  Clever! 😀