Sexual Relations!ūüėā (That phrase is funny and I am so immature for laughing at it.

Can men and women be close friends?

Church edition

It depends on quite a few factors; How close are you both? What is your history together? How often do you hang out or talk to one another? Have you ever had sex or thought about it? I mean, you can, but somebody wants someone. I guess the better question would be: 

“Can men and women be very close friends without being attracted to, or falling for, one another?” 

I should probably insert my personal answer, but I’m not going to. ūüėĀūüė∂ūüė∂ūüė∂

It might work for some, but then that thing called “sex” gets in the way after a while. Even devout Christians know this. Christians love Jesus but we still have sex organs and hormones…and needsūüėÄ. People can lie and say they feel NOTHING. But I won’t. We can tame those feelings for a moment, but temptation and biology certainly are our contenders and most of the time, if not careful…they win.

(1 Corinthians 6:18) “Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that commiteth fornication sinneth against his own body.” 

The reason why this is so dangerous is besides the obvious, STD’s, unplanned pregnancies, we create Soul Ties when we have sex. Because our souls connect through sex, we have to be careful whose soul we connect with. We become a bridge to whatever spiritual battles that they are fighting. If you are having sex with someone suffering from depression…you start feeling depressed and wondering  why and where it came from. You have this urge to drink and you are not a drinker, yet the person you sleep with is…

Jesus does not warn us against sexual sin because sex is bad…but because when we come together with another person, we literally become one and we share eachothers souls. If they are fighting demonic opression,etc. Then so will you. It’s that serious. We have all fallen short of the Glory of God. Not one of us is perfect. But there is freedom and forgiveness if we want it. We are human.

Take for instance, Pastors whom have had illicit affairs. Strong leaders in church settings, having sexually deviant double lives. And the church acts so surprised when they find out. For a moment it’s shocking, then you remember that those whom have fallen were simply men and women…Not Jesus. Many of these people assumed friendships without being accompanied by anyone who could hold them accountable and help them protect their testimonies. Being sexually attracted to someone is completely healthy. God Himself created sex and the perfect love. Jesus is perfect love. Acting on those thoughts outside of marriage,  however, is a whole different can of worms that get opened. (Philippians 4:89)

So do I think men and women can be close friends? 

We waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love. – Tom Robbins

Marriage tranforms people into…exactly who they were before the vows.

Some men want women that are so “different” and eccentric…until they marry them, then they beg for that same woman to be a “traditional” wife. When they don’t get what they want (Surprise! Surprise!), they are running to the court house…or back to their Mommas home made cooking, crying that they should have married a woman. like. her ūüėź. 

Some women are the same…wanting that man who is easy on the eyes yet hard on the wallet.

 It seems unfair that I spent more time on the male shortcomings. ūüėÄ Y’all already know we have our issues. From mild to severe and possibly documented in someones notepad…(I’m an advocate for getting help….really.ūüíó

Being eccentric is often an awesome personality trait and we are all different. However, I find it so odd and amazing at the same time, how even when many stray away from the traditional family setting, we were literally designed by God to understand our roles as males and females. It is a part of our identities…our blueprints, so to speak. Even when liberal society tries to change it. When we begin to set up house and nest etc. We naturally fall into our positions, eventually. Some, effortlessly (those having the right intentions)…even a tatted up…dredlock wearing woman is going to want to have a hot meal ready and waiting for her gaged eared man, when he gets home from a long day. As women we want a strong, respectful, loving and supportive covering. Men want to protect and provide. Why try to change something so beautiful? 

We are who we are….but expect to live with what you chose. We don’t change who we are that easily, or at all.‚̧

(Genesis 2:22) “And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.

Rest!

I can feel it coming. My surrender to this new life. 

I have carried on living as a single woman for over 1 year. At the end of May, 2017 it will be  2 years. Honestly I think longer. I haven’t really kept count. Getting into a single life routine has been anything but simple. My physical is away but my routines have been fashioned around living like a stay-at-home wife. That is what I was. With that, meant everything I did was for my family. Now everything that I do is for my son……and Momma needs a serious break.

I often saw getting help as a form of personal weakness after living through a tumultuous marriage. I have to remind myself that I’m free. When I needed help I’d get treated like I was needy and weak. When I was independent I would get scolded like a child for wanting my “freedom” and not being a good enough wife. I could not win for losing. I bathed in the gas of a “gas lighting” life. 

Now that I am on my own, I am independent but I’m learning  when to pump the breaks and reach out for help. 

When I need a mental break I talk. I talk to honest people whom will give me honest love and feed back. I can’t do it all on my own and yielding to that reality is tough, because I’m tough…but I have my weaknesses. 

Lately the wrong things have been looking too good because I’m tired. This calls for a retreat and a “time out”. I am not that single parent who will lie and say I’d be a sad soul without my child. 

I’d have more money and more restful nights if I was not a parent!

But without my son, I would not know how much really living a HEALTHY life is worth. Taking care of our bodies is one thing…taking care of our minds and our souls is the meat of truly living. He is the reason why I read my Bible. It took another human being, an innocent one at that, to show me that being grounded is important. Without my son I would be weak.

When I stress over things, he says to me; ” At least you’re not dead!” TRU DAT! ūüėāūüėς̧

That truth causes me to think. Why stress over what cannot be changed or altered? Let life be and pray over the rest. I’m learning to let go. Let go of past hopes and dreams that do not fit my now. Letting go of failures that have only rendered new life and Blessings….learning experiences. It is okay to call a sitter sometimes. It is okay to let someone else teach and discipline your child for a moment. IT’S OKAY! 

Rest!

Miami, Cubans and hot “Pilon” under a shaded palm tree…

LOVE,¬† is¬† a¬† strong¬† word….so¬† I’ve¬† been¬† told…by¬† the¬† one’s¬† who¬† stay¬† far¬† away¬† from¬† its¬† presence,¬† literally. When¬† I¬† think¬† of¬† love I¬† imagine¬† the¬† snow¬† cascading¬† and¬† billowing¬† off¬† of¬† my¬† neighbors¬† roof,¬† at¬† every¬† whisk¬† of¬† the wind.¬† It¬† has¬† a¬† sensational¬† effect¬† on¬† my¬† senses.¬† Funny¬† how¬† it’s¬† cold¬† and¬† not¬† warm…….the¬† irony. ūüėÄ

I¬† also¬† think¬† of¬† more¬† intangible¬† memories¬† and¬† future¬† plans.¬† When¬† I¬† met¬† my¬† son’s¬† father,¬† I¬† was¬† 20¬† years¬† old.¬† He¬† was¬† 21¬† with¬† this¬† deep¬† Cuban¬† accent.¬† I¬† use¬† to¬† love¬† hearing¬† him¬† butcher¬† English¬† words.¬† It¬† was¬† so¬† attractive.¬† We¬† got¬† married¬† when¬† I¬† was¬† 21.¬† I¬† gave¬† birth¬† to¬† our¬† son¬† at¬† 23 1/2¬† and¬† the¬† rest¬† is¬† history.¬† Before¬† our¬† marriage¬† ended,¬† I¬† acquired¬† a¬† permanent¬† love¬† for¬† Cubans.¬† Ronald¬† has¬† an¬† Italian¬† last¬† name,¬† which¬† always¬† threw¬† people¬† off.¬† Of¬† course¬† when¬† he¬† tells¬† the¬† story¬† of¬† his¬† families¬† origins¬† it¬† all¬† makes¬† sense.¬† Spanning¬† from¬† Italy,¬† to¬† Portugal¬† and¬† finally¬† Havana,¬† Cuba.¬† I¬† asked¬† him;¬† “Why¬† did¬† your¬† Momma¬† name¬† you¬† Ronald?”¬† His¬† response;¬† “She¬† named¬† me¬† after¬† Ronald¬† Regan.”¬† I¬† always¬† thought¬† that¬† was¬† funny¬† because¬† he¬† has¬† the¬† most¬† American¬† pronounced¬† name¬† in¬† his¬† family,¬† and¬† it¬† is¬† still¬† accentuated¬† in¬† his¬† culture.¬†¬† But¬† I¬† get¬† it.¬† He¬† was¬† born¬† around¬† a¬† time¬† where¬† his parents¬† were¬† just¬† coming¬† from¬† Cuba.¬† He¬† is¬† the¬† 2nd¬† oldest¬† out¬† of¬† 5¬† siblings¬† between¬† his¬† mom¬† and¬† dad,¬† and¬† has¬† a¬† plethora¬† of family members¬† from¬† his¬† fathers¬† side¬† alone,¬† in¬† Florida¬† and¬† some¬† still¬† in¬† Cuba.

I¬† learned¬† to¬† love¬† a¬† lot¬† in¬† the¬† span¬† of¬† 10¬† years.¬† I¬† learned¬† to¬† love¬† fishing¬† in¬† the¬† ocean¬† in¬† the¬† middle¬† of¬† the¬† night.¬† I¬† learned¬† that¬† the¬† morning¬† news¬† is¬† just¬† not¬† right,¬† unless¬† it¬† is¬† being¬† broadcasted¬† on¬† Univision…¬† “Despierta¬† America”,¬† which¬† is¬† like¬† a¬† Latin¬† equivalence¬† to¬† the¬† American “Good¬† Morning America”….but¬† better.¬† Maxwell¬† House¬† from¬† your¬† standard¬† coffee¬† pot¬† is¬† no¬† where¬† NEAR¬† as¬† good¬† as¬† Pilon (A¬† cuban¬† brand¬† espresso)¬† brewed¬† straight¬† on¬† the¬† stove¬† in¬† a¬† “moka pot”,¬† enjoyed¬† near¬† palm¬† or¬† mango¬† trees.¬† Nothing¬† in¬† the¬† world¬† like¬† that¬† authenticity.¬† Cuban¬† men¬† are¬† serious¬† about¬† their¬† meat,¬† especially¬† their¬† pork.¬† Ron¬† was¬† a¬† way¬† better¬† meat¬† cooker¬† than¬† me.¬† (Pssst….I¬† hate¬† pork.¬† Maybe¬† that’s¬† why¬† our¬† marriage¬† ended.) ūüėĬ† <<kidding>>

As¬† I¬† prepare¬† to¬† venture¬† back¬† to¬† Miami¬† again¬† for¬† a¬† moment,¬† I¬† am¬† reminded¬† of¬† these¬† sweet¬† nuggets¬† that¬† came¬† along¬† with¬† such¬† tumultuous¬† times.¬† We¬† are¬† finally¬† friends¬† again,¬† and¬† able¬† to¬† focus¬† on¬† the¬† parts¬† of¬† life¬† that¬† we shared¬† that¬† resulted¬† in¬† an¬† extension¬† of¬† “Us.”

miami

Loving a Narcissist is Dangerous, but connecting with a “narc” labeler can be just as dangerous

I  never  really  understood  that  label,  until  of  course  I  had  to  face  the  repercussions  of  a  broken  marriage.  Number  1,  the  maturity  of  a  person  or  the  lack  thereof,   lies  in  whether  or  not  they  take  responsibility  for  their  part  for  the  failure  of  their  relationship.  No  matter  what  anyone  says,  the  failure  of  a  relationship  is  50/50.  The  reason  why  I  say  this,  is  because  God  gives  us  the  opportunity  to  understand  what  goes  into  a  lovely  and  Blessed  relationship through  scripture.  Most  of  us,  have  the  opportunity  to  open  up  the  Bible  and  read  about  love,  respect,  integrity,  WISE  CHOICES,  etc.  but  some  of  us  do  not,  because  we  want  to  live  how we  want  to  live,  and  then  fuss  about  it  on  social  media,  when  we  get  burned.

That¬† word¬† Narcissist,¬† is¬† yet¬† another¬† label¬† designed¬† to¬† give¬† a¬† title¬† to¬† spiritual¬† wickedness.¬† But¬† the¬† one¬† in¬† love¬† with¬† the¬† narcissist,¬† is¬† just¬† as¬† wicked,¬† because¬† they¬† chose¬† wickedness¬† over¬† Holiness.¬† Looks¬† entice,¬† even¬† smooth¬† words,¬† and¬† God¬† gives¬† us¬† warning¬† against¬† both.¬† (Proverbs 1:10) “My¬† son,¬† if¬† sinners¬† entice¬† thee,¬† consent¬† thou¬† not.”¬† Read¬† Proverbs 1.¬† In¬† fact,¬† read¬† the¬† entire¬† book¬† of¬† Proverbs.

In¬† our¬† lost¬† society,¬† we¬† play¬† the¬† blame¬† game¬† so¬† much,¬† and¬† get¬† people¬† to¬† side¬† with¬† us.¬† We¬† would¬† like¬† to¬† take¬† the¬† attention¬† away¬† from¬† us,¬† so¬† people¬† won’t¬† focus¬† in¬† on¬† how¬† we¬† chose¬† the¬† people¬† that¬† we¬† chose.¬† I¬† had¬† problems,¬† because¬† I¬† did¬† not¬† pray¬† before¬† I¬† jumped¬† off¬† the¬† ark¬† of¬† safety,¬† and¬† chose¬† my¬† own¬† mate,¬† by¬† what¬† I¬† thought¬† was¬† right¬† in¬† a¬† spouse.¬† DANGEROUS.¬† Now¬† that¬† I¬† am¬† growing¬† from¬† my¬† mistakes,¬† I¬† am¬† learning¬† that¬† I¬† had¬† a¬† large¬† part¬† to¬† play,¬† in¬† why¬† my¬† marriage¬† fell¬† a¬† part.¬† This¬† is¬† not¬† giving¬† an¬† excuse¬† to¬† people’s¬† abuse¬† within¬† relationships,¬† this¬† is¬† just¬† stating¬† the¬† facts.¬† Unless¬† we¬† come¬† from¬† cultures¬† with¬† arranged¬† marriages¬† and¬† friendships,¬† we¬† have¬† the¬† chance¬† to¬† choose¬† *right.

If  Jesus  Christ  already  has  the  perfect  plan  for  the  most  loving,  fulfilling  and  Blessed  relationships,  why  not  choose  Him?  Why  do  we  think  that  our  personal  attractions  is  enough  to  build on?  We  were  designed  to  attract  physically, but  we  were  not  designed  to  fall  so  deeply  into  attraction  that  we  try  to  build  a  home  on  sinking  sand,  where  no  moral  exists,  and  there  are  no  core  values.  Looks ,  caste  and  personality  are  not  enough.  Physical  beauty  can  not  be  the  reason  why  we  fall  in  love  and  breed  more  generations  through  this  false  perception  of  love.

Society¬† calls¬† it¬† Narcissism.¬† The¬† Body¬† of¬† Christ¬† calls¬† it¬† the¬† Jezebel¬† spirit.¬† It¬† can¬† affect¬† men¬† and¬† women. ¬† You¬† would¬† have¬† to read¬† about¬† “Jezebel”¬† to¬† understand¬† what¬† this¬† means.¬† She¬† was¬† a¬† real¬† person¬† in¬† the¬† Bible¬† and,¬† she¬† was¬† very¬† evil.¬† Her¬† ending¬† was¬† not¬† pleasant.

A¬† “Narcissistic”¬† person¬† is¬† dangerous,¬† however¬† the¬† one¬† who¬† chooses¬† a¬† narcissistic¬† person¬† can¬† be¬† just¬† as¬† toxic.¬† I¬† do¬† not¬† like¬† being¬† around¬† either¬† one.¬† If¬† you¬† are¬† around¬† someone¬† who¬† has¬† the¬† spirit¬† of¬† Jezebel,¬† you¬† can¬† and¬† most¬† likely¬† will¬† get¬† hurt¬† if¬† you¬† are¬† around¬† them¬† for¬† too¬† long.¬† A¬† person¬† who¬† continues¬† to¬† label¬† a¬† person¬† as¬† such,¬† without¬† taking¬† their¬† own¬† responsibility,¬† tends¬† to¬† put¬† everyone¬† on¬† a¬† checklist.¬† When¬† their¬† relationships¬† fail¬† with¬† people,¬† it¬† is always¬† the¬† other¬† person,¬† because¬† they¬† were¬† a¬† “narcissist”.¬† Anything¬† you¬† do¬† wrong,¬† even¬† if¬† not¬† intentionally¬† even¬† with¬† intent,¬† you¬† become¬† a¬† red¬† flag,¬† and¬† eventually¬† you¬† are¬† crowned¬† with¬† the¬† title,¬† “narcissist”.¬† It¬† is¬† a¬† demeaning¬† title¬† if¬† you¬† are¬† not¬† one,¬† and¬† quite¬† hurtful.¬† One¬† finds¬† themselves,¬† looking¬† at¬† their¬† mistakes¬† like…..”Maybe¬† I¬† am¬† one.”¬† Be¬† careful¬† tossing¬† around¬† labels.¬† Narcissism¬† is¬† more¬† of¬† a¬† spiritual¬† state,¬† than¬† it¬† is¬† a¬† mental¬† state…such¬† as¬† choosing¬† someone¬† who¬† embodies¬† that¬† spirit. When¬† you¬† choose¬† wrong,¬† it¬† is¬† because¬† of¬† the¬† state¬† of¬† your¬† spirit.¬† We¬† are told¬† so¬† many¬† times¬† through¬† scripture¬† to¬† not¬† be¬† deceived. ¬† When¬† we¬† know¬† our¬† worth¬† in¬† Christ,¬† we¬† want¬† nothing¬† less,¬† than¬† what¬† Jesus¬† wants¬† for¬† us.

Mom’s get such bad wraps…….

1.)¬† We¬† are¬† not¬† boring.¬† We¬† just¬† got¬† knocked¬† up,¬† made¬† the¬† decision¬† to¬† keep¬† another¬† human¬† being¬† alive….mind¬† you¬† they come¬† with¬† blood,¬† bones¬† and¬† souls.¬† So,¬† the¬† task¬† of¬† raising¬† a¬† healthy¬† child¬† in¬† THIS¬† ridiculous¬† world,¬† and¬† making¬† sure¬† they¬† come¬† out¬† descent…..takes¬† up¬† every¬† inch,¬† space¬† and¬† crawl¬† space¬† of¬† our¬† lives.¬† BORING……you¬† know¬† what¬† you¬† can¬† kiss.

2.)¬† I¬† have¬† had¬† to¬† inhale¬† and¬† exhale¬† so¬† many¬† times,¬† to¬† avoid¬† having¬† the¬† doctor¬† write¬† up¬† a¬† prescription¬† for¬† volume.¬† Again,¬† raising¬† a¬† human¬† being¬† means….they come¬† with¬† their¬† own¬† minds,¬† their¬† own¬† annoying¬† habits,¬† their¬† tantrums…..and¬† NO,¬† they¬† do¬† not¬† always¬† go¬† with¬† the¬† flow.

3.)  I  have  had  water  with  remnants  of  feces  and  piss  splash  all  over  me,  because  my  baby  boy  poops  like  a  machine  gun  firing  off,  and  clogs  the  toilet  every  time.

4.)¬† We¬† sweat¬† over¬† that stove,¬† to¬† see¬† noses¬† scrunch¬† up¬† to¬† what¬† we’ve¬† cooked….after¬† standing¬† in¬† grocery¬† lines¬† behind¬† couponers,¬† old¬† people,¬† the¬† ones¬† who¬† smell¬† like¬† hot¬† fermenting¬† garbage,¬† the¬† bad¬† kids¬† whose¬† parents¬† think¬† they’re¬† cute,¬† and¬† you¬† have¬† the¬† nerve¬† to¬† scrunch¬† your¬† nose¬† up?¬† You¬† better¬† eat¬† or¬† you¬† go¬† hungry.¬† Old¬† school¬† is¬† BACK!¬† There¬† is¬† no¬† cooking¬† 2¬† meals.

5.)¬† I¬† am¬† a¬† single¬† mother,¬† handling¬† my¬† emotions,¬† bouts¬† of¬† loneliness¬† at¬† times,¬† cooking¬† 3¬† meals¬† a¬† day,¬† sometimes¬† more,¬† cleaning,¬† Being¬† desired¬† but¬† unable¬† to¬† show¬† the¬† same¬† desire¬† back,¬† because¬† my¬† life,¬† by¬† choice,¬† it¬† is¬† about¬† my¬† child.¬† I¬† do¬† not¬† get¬† a¬† lot¬† of¬† breaks,¬† I¬† cry¬† a¬† lot,¬† I¬† get¬† exhausted,¬† I¬† get¬† moody,¬† I¬† wonder…”why”¬† most¬† of¬† the¬† time,¬† I¬† have¬† to¬† build¬† up¬† my¬† child’s¬† confidence,¬† while¬† maintaining¬† my¬† own…..No,¬† we¬† are¬† not¬† bored¬† or¬† boring.¬† We¬† are¬† just¬† extremely¬† responsible¬† for¬† “life”.

I¬† almost¬† cried¬† and¬† threw¬† my¬† computer¬† against¬† a¬† wall¬† while¬† typing¬† this. ūüėÄ

‚̧¬† Raven Nicole`

Flat Lined/\/\/\_____/\/\________

Ephesians 5:23 “For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the Head of the church: and he is the Savior of the Body.”

A disease crept in
and laid down its roots….
like weeds on the hot summer pavement.

An ugliness began to grow,
in the heart…..
No one could save it.

It beat hard,
like a cow hide covered, African drum.
It reached a distance,
to the ears of everyone.

Its beat grew more intensely…
like the pounding of a million feet in the sand,

but it began to grow tired,
like a racer in a marathon,
whom could no longer
stand.

The ‚Äúbrain‚ÄĚ had discrepancies against the heart,
because it was no longer strong.

‚ÄúHeart‚ÄĚ said to ‚ÄúBrain‚ÄĚ;
“My Blood has stopped pumping,
I‚Äôve been fighting for too long.‚ÄĚ

So brain screamed at the heart,
about how easily heart gave up…..

As the brain yelled..
the heart flat lined__________
and silence would interrupt.

“Why did heart leave me?
Why did it go?
It gave life to the body…….
why didn‚Äôt it know?‚ÄĚ

And then something happened.
Shock, ensued.
Brain realized…….
that it was its OWN proper function,
that made the body live and move.