Staying silent…when I want to destroy feelings.

We have all been there. Tearing down every wall. Holding up no shield…in order to share our deepest pains, worries, and fears, with the “gaugers” we once called friends. We become like crystal…as clear as a running spring. As humiliating as that transparency is…we share, because we love. It is almost as if we want to create this safe haven for those we share with, by saying; “Hey! I’ll go first so you can feel comfortable with your story. Trust me!” I love that intimacy….but some people’s mindsets and spirits have been superseded…replaced with a mediocre version, by a society that tells them to *ask, and share just enough. That “just enough”, can be a lot of information, but none of it really touching the surface of whom that person truly is. They could be paranoid and riddled with fear, and will only tell enough that will still allow them to feel in control and to be in control. They could have relationship issues, and will talk about it for an unprecedented length of time, but will never blame themselves for any of it.

But you…….

You will share those parts of your life that makes you look terrible, out of control….transparent. After you’ve spilled your heart….it is placed on a balance. The gauger is then, the one weighing its worth….trying to play God. As you wait to hear the verdict of your worthiness, all you can think is; ” I made sure that you knew that you could be safe with me…but I don’t feel safe with you. You fooled me!”We weren’ fooled…we just weren’t being wise. Most relationships and friendships in America, are acquired by free will and choice. It is hard to NOT hold personal accountability after reading the Bible. Not just reading it, but studying it. So when all of our business is used against us to tarnish our sanity, or we are penalized for the scary stuff we do say, emotional stability and worth, either we want to flee or fight…even both. Having gathered up just enough information about the gauger, to build up a case of character destruction…my flesh wants to vilify the other person” hoping I would be healed in some way……until I read the Bible:

(Proverbs 17:27-28) “He that hath knowledge spareth his words: and a man of understanding is of an excellent spirit. 28) Even a fool, when he holdeth his peace, is counted wise: and he that shutteth his lips is esteemed a man of understanding.”

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