I can feel it coming. My surrender to this new life.
I have carried on living as a single woman for over 1 year. At the end of May, 2017 it will be 2 years. Honestly I think longer. I haven’t really kept count. Getting into a single life routine has been anything but simple. My physical is away but my routines have been fashioned around living like a stay-at-home wife. That is what I was. With that, meant everything I did was for my family. Now everything that I do is for my son……and Momma needs a serious break.
I often saw getting help as a form of personal weakness after living through a tumultuous marriage. I have to remind myself that I’m free. When I needed help I’d get treated like I was needy and weak. When I was independent I would get scolded like a child for wanting my “freedom” and not being a good enough wife. I could not win for losing. I bathed in the gas of a “gas lighting” life.
Now that I am on my own, I am independent but I’m learning when to pump the breaks and reach out for help.
When I need a mental break I talk. I talk to honest people whom will give me honest love and feed back. I can’t do it all on my own and yielding to that reality is tough, because I’m tough…but I have my weaknesses.
Lately the wrong things have been looking too good because I’m tired. This calls for a retreat and a “time out”. I am not that single parent who will lie and say I’d be a sad soul without my child.
I’d have more money and more restful nights if I was not a parent!
But without my son, I would not know how much really living a HEALTHY life is worth. Taking care of our bodies is one thing…taking care of our minds and our souls is the meat of truly living. He is the reason why I read my Bible. It took another human being, an innocent one at that, to show me that being grounded is important. Without my son I would be weak.
When I stress over things, he says to me; ” At least you’re not dead!” TRU DAT! 😂😑❤
That truth causes me to think. Why stress over what cannot be changed or altered? Let life be and pray over the rest. I’m learning to let go. Let go of past hopes and dreams that do not fit my now. Letting go of failures that have only rendered new life and Blessings….learning experiences. It is okay to call a sitter sometimes. It is okay to let someone else teach and discipline your child for a moment. IT’S OKAY!