Confession of a Writer…….”I was just thinking”

(For Jordan) 💙

October days,

They tend to freeze….

The time in my heart,

It remembers to grieve.

My phone rung like normal,

On a day that seemed right….

Then I was told that you decided that it was your time to take flight.

My home shook from turbulence,

Pictures flew off the wall,

I wish I could have talked to you….

Should have given you a call.

As a child of God, I failed you,

Because I knew just what to do….

To pray and dispatch angels,

So that God could renew.

I can’t ask for your forgiveness.

Now, you have no voice.

It was silenced when your pain,

Made suicide the choice.

I’m not angry….

I’m anguished

Because now all that I can do,

Is revisit your memory in poetry,

And write down my sorrow for you.

“I was just thinking”….

Perhaps if you still see,

Would you tell me:

“Please, don’t let others….hurt and leave like me!”

Would you tell me:

“Talk to people. Don’t wait for them to speak. Know just how they feel! The battle in the spirit and mind is scary and it’s real!”

Would you yell at me and blame me, for never keeping in touch?

Would you tell me that my prayers…..they would have helped you so much?

“I was just thinking,”

About your children…..

What can I do for them?

Plant seeds of hope and love…

Making sure I prune every stem…

That no weeds will blind Gods light from their lives,

Lest their flowers wither away.

Let this heartwrenching cycle die by the shears….

Not tomorrow,

But, today.

(You are profoundly, missed)

August,1986 – October, 2011

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