I hate getting on here acting like I am stronger than I really am at the moment. I have acres of encouragement to gift to others…..but I am so tired of exhausting myself (yet I will continue to love my readers and beyond). I question God like I would question my parents……am I wrong for that? No, not His existence, His choice.
The missions field……..
Right now, physically being around people has made me utterly sick. Humans tend to have less logic than animals. I live next to a neighbor, who thinks she is a peace maker, yet smokes and blows her second hand nicotine cancer around those who are not smokers…..way to keep the peace. The Pope has the nerve to say that we need to embrace immigrants, yet he is sitting on his high horse not housing, feeding, or pulling out of his pocket to take care of these immigrants. AMERICA IS CLOSED! WE HAVE REACHED CAPACITY…….and patience, which is not to be confused with tolerance. I guess visiting cities and giving hugs to random worshippers, is enough.
I have heard the title Mommy so much this week, that I have cried…..and he unraveled all of my dental floss and wrapped himself in it. I take care of my teeth.😱
I am angry because I am expected to forgive and accept. The forgiveness part….absolutely! But acceptance after foolishness after I suffered so hard my health took a turn……I am nobody’s fool.
I know God is weeding out some ugly in me…..it is a painful and edgy process. I am happy that He has patience and understanding. Re-learning patience is not easy. It seems like every irritant from human beings in this season in my life is horribly magnified, by 1,000,000,000,000,000……especially from those who are the closest to me.
There is preperation for the great commission. It is physical preparation, mental preparation, and spiritual preparation AT THE SAME TIME.
I’m holding on to certain things that I need to let go of and the break away is breaking my heart.
I feel like I am drowning right now, but I know that God is my life jacket.
Through all of my madness I still see hope. And the love that I have for serving souls……continues to grow.
The race is not to the swift ….. Nor the battle to the strong….(Ecclesiastes 9:11)