I am not foreign to the embedded issues that women suffer, from having absent fathers, abusive fathers, negligent fathers, “rolling stones”…..as some would call them, imprisoned fathers, and anything in between that is not acceptable when raising children.
I did not know that my own father sexually assaulted my mother, until I was the age of 9 or 10. Nine months later….here I am👶.
I lived a large part of my youth after that, being angry. I was self destructive….a cutter and had major thoughts of suicide, but 3 things that I was scared to do….drugs, drink, and have sex. So I did not. My mom worked so hard to raise 3 girls on her own and by the grace and help of God. There was no way I was going to set myself up for having a baby, especially after seeing how she had to struggle.Besides that….my mother believed in whipping. She would have WHIPPED….. MY…..BUTT😉.
Behind every problem that I had, I thought about my father….but not just about his absence, but his crime. (Disclaimer: I believe in forgiveness so I have no ill feelings towards him. Ths is just a part of my life story.) What made me self destructive was the idea that, I probably was not even wanted, because I was not even planned and I was conceived through rape. I felt like I was my mom’s reminder of “him” and what happened to her. I did not think that I was loved as much as my sisters. Although I was.
Of course like many women whom have to deal with the pain of not having a dad, my self-esteem was tarnished. I took bits and pieces of what I knew about men, and blended it all together, and got the worst mixture of men ever…….abusive controllers, because at the time, I thought control meant “love” . I had no idea that it was attributed to mental sickness.
I had a warped perception of manliness. With that, it was difficult not seeing men being lowlife perverts.
It was not until adulthood that I learned better. This world is full of men……the courageous, the cowardly , the loving and careful, the jealous and hateful.
Ladies, for those of you that have suffered for years because of the horrible mistakes of other men….have mercy on yourselves. Forgive yourselves. Love yourselves, and then….Let Go! 😌
Once you have activated that courage that is already within you, to treat yourselves kindly, forgive your fathers….and be free!
There is nothing that you can do about the past, but you can walk in your present and future like the queens that you are. Use your pasts as strength, building blocks and catapults into the Blessings that God has purposed for your lives.
Those men that have done you so wrong,…….place them in Gods hands. Although I do not condone a man’s negative actions against his children, I know well enough now, that their personal histories may have been fueled with pain inflicted upon them. All they know how to give is what they themselves have been taught to give. They to, are in need of God’s love, and His love shown through others.
- If not for them, do it so that you can be free. Do it because there is a world full of loving, respectul, beautiful, wonderful men…..who will treat you and love you respectfully and unconditionally.
Do not let your father’s mistakes define all men for you and cause you to lose relationships or miss out on an excellent relationship.
You deserve to be loved. You deserve to be the best in the eyes of your man and/or children.
Beyond all things, know that if you do not have an earthly father…..you have a Heavenly father who will NEVER leave you nor forsake. He is always loving you and looking out for you. Remember this.