I have been on straight “introvert” mode for about 2 weeks now. My feelings and emotions are catching up to the times, and I just do not feel like being physically bothered……and of course you know, when you feel this way, you have no choice but to be around people……and more often than usual.
Jesus has a sense of humor……but I really don’t at the moment 😒. That’s okay because His timing is making me balanced.
Seeing past the flesh and looking at the person’s soul has been a struggle for me lately. While relearning how to be merciful and have compassion again, I am like a child asking their parent over and over again; “But, why?” That is me talking to the Lord, my Heavenly Father.
“Lord, why can’t I tell this old woman to SHUT UP, for complaining about the rain in the summer, and if it’s that bad…just lie down and die?”
“Lord, why can’t I tell that home maker, that she is an IDIOT for holding up the grocery line with her folder of coupons? (Good money saver though).
I’ve rolled my eyes so much these days, that I am surprised they snapped back into place. Oh, I am not done yet!
A dad approached me talking about an unplanned and unwanted pregnancy…..
Lord, why can’t I tell that man….”I really don’t care. Get out of my face! You don’t deserve to even have one kid!”
Lord, why do evil people out live the good ones? (So it seems).
My questions go on and on and without judgement from God.
My mind and thoughts are being worked on. I try to write with peace…TRY… but I am as human as Gods disciple Peter, whom, through anger and defense, hauled off and chopped off the ear of the soldier.
LOVE, compassion and mercy, is why I can’t respond with words that kill.
When you are at a place in life where you are alone, and you will get there…it does not have to be through relationship situations, designate that time to grow.
Your lonliness is not a time to point fingers, but to take care of “you”, and get yourself right. We can blame people every day for our pain, but truthfully, some of the ones that we are blaming, are probably moving on or have moved on, and all we are doing is giving glory to the demons that keep us so bound.
I am learning to let my love grow in the midst of such quietness in my life. When you are striving to live right, everything is an irritant. Understand, that you are being broken down to be rebuilt again…..so the process is painful and frustrating, and God understands….THOROUGHLY.
Everything “ugly” is being pulled out of you and it feels like limbs being cut off while you are still awake, aware and with feeling.
“People”, have been my struggle. Even those closest to me have ripped out my nerves from under my flesh. Either you can let horrible situations destroy you…or you fight back and have the victory over defeat.
You have to make that choice. You are free to live or you are free to die.
The same “People” who are my struggle, are the same ones that God has called me to love and be there for.
Proverbs 10:12 “Hatred stirreth up Strifes: but LOVE covereth all sins.” ❤