Keeping your family together is easier than breaking them a part. I am thinking of the many embarrassments that I have had to face and the humiliation in front of people…..and I cannot change a thing of it.
I cannot go back and erase what I do not want people to know. I cannot cover my own sins. The blood of Jesus has, though. Even so,the human in me tends to ponder on how many troubles could have and should have been avoided.
More effort has to be put into disrespecting than it does, respecting. It is easier to give a hug, than it is to step on toes. The end result of a hug, is that you get one back……… And then 9 months later there is a kid😃😃😃😃😃. When you inconsiderately step on someone’s toes, they get angry, and in their attempt to shield their vulnerability from you and how they have shown it so much already….plans are devised of how to step on your toes. It is a never ending cycle of hurt, until someones toes finally falls off or one of us throws up a white flag, which at that point, that white flag is attached to suitcases packed.
A house out of order becomes confused and unfortunately lost in a series of….what now? Couples are so dependent on one another, that when one falls off track, so does the other for a time. It is even worse when children are in the middle. We force them to choose, even if we are not feeding it to them, that they have to choose. It is an inevitable factor that when children are in the midst of parental dysfunction, the choices are made for them until they have to choose for themselves.
We tell them who they will live with and which parent will be the voice over the phone or the pixels and megabytes through the computer. The frustration in this fact is beyond what I want to handle and can handle on my own, so I am often crying on the shoulder of God.
Separation and divorce have a pain tied to it that you cannot always put into words and in proper order. There are so many dreams, so many emotions, so many feelings, so much time and life invested, that your feelings and emotions do not come out in order.
The way that you feel can be so spontaneous from day to day. One moment you feel strong and nothing negative phases you, and then the next day you see a couple with school aged children and a brand new baby….and it ruins you all over again. You see an elderly couple who held on to their vows and to one another. Even when your own siblings are making plans with their spouses. These moments trigger certain feelings and certain memories.
One of the hardest realities of ones home falling a part, is having to handle the emotions of such innocent people….your babies. They are just like us. One day they feel so fine…so we think, and then you see them walking around the corner, rubbing their eyes, crying about how they miss a particular parent. Moments like that, you want it all back, to fix it for them, but then you remember how things were, when we were all under one roof, and how you see how happier they are away from MESS…..then you have to be the tough one, when you so want to have a melt down right along with them. They go through the emotions of a broken home, like we do. I also guiltlessly think of my own happiness. Through it all, I still have my joy and faith, knowing that this will one day pass. ❤
Is it hard to give respect?
Is it hard to love?
Is it hard to give of yourself and of your time?
I live my days telling my little one, that “we are going to be just fine.” We are going to be alright. 😊