What a whirlwind of an emotional day, yet, I am so Blessed to even experience the painful parts of life. One thing that I admire about many Christians, is their ability to forgive. I have safety within the church and yet a lot of fears with it as well, because I know what it feels like to be completely loved, and mistreated within the 4 walls of the house of God.
I want to talk about forgiveness, because it might just be one of the hardest things that we have to choose to do as human beings. I am quite open with my life successes and heart aches. I believe when we tell our stories, we are making ourselves relatable to others, therefore making it easier for people to talk the way that they need to.
I spent the past couple of days pleading for forgiveness for the mistakes that I made, in hopes that the one I have been pleading with, would pardon me. I have exhausted myself, begging to be forgiven from this one human being…..a single soul. It matters to me, because when I am wrong, I am wrong and I never want to be responsible for hurting anyone, especially those I care about.
I have pleaded daily, to no avail. If I did not know God, I would believe that not even He forgave me. Sometimes, I truly hate how my heart is so trustworthy. To trust someone else who is as broken as you, if not more, might be a gamble. However, I was willing to roll the dice. I would do it again.
Why speak so much about forgiveness, yet be unable to do it yourself? None of us really have to, but if you speak about it, WordPress it, Tweet it, Facebook it, then do it away from social media, where people can’t “like” what you do, from an expression through a screen. I know plenty, who do not care about that stuff, and they make no mention of it though……I respect them for that. But if you promote yourself to be something….then be it, whether good or bad.
We all have room for mistakes, and that is *perfectly fine. but deliberate hurt, and unforgiveness fits know where in my life. Why, because people need to be released from guilt, when they make mistakes and they repent. I guess you have to be from the church to understand that…..maybe not. These are age old lessons within the church community. Forgiveness requires caring for the person asking for it, by releasing them from the bondage of shame. I am glad I learned this while I am still young.
Now that I go through my foolishness and desperately want to be forgiven, and I do not receive that, I have a better understanding of how to forgive others and love them through their shame.