Right away I would just like to make it clear, that the tone of my writing is know where near a sad sob story. The title is more of a parody or satire in tone, of the many statistical writings and personal words that I have come across in my 29 years of breathing, living and being surprised and entertained on this earth.
“A father of the fatherless, and a judge of the widows, is God in His holy habitations. God setteth the solitary in families: He bringeth out those which are bound with chains: but the rebellious dwell in a dry land.”
Yes, I grew up fatherless, in terms of pounds of flesh, tenor to baritone voice, and a director in whence I should follow. However, when comparing apples to apples, I bypassed teen pregnancy and pregnancy out of wedlock which many little girls have fallen into hard….with Daddies being present in their lives. I did not end up shacked up in a boyfriends house……the clinginess of some men always reminded me of cats….when their tails stand straight up and the end of it curls over like a candy cane , as they sashay their way over to your leg and rub their ever shedding furry bodies against it over and over again. In other words being clingy is annoying, diffident, and eventually turns controlling.
I went through more than I needed to as I began growing into a young woman, but, discovering the truth of the word of God, is the only way out of being a statistic as well as, taking responsibility for your own life once you realize that you can. This means, not blaming your absentee Daddies, but forgiving them, and not attributing every bad mistake that you make, to them not being there for you. The sting of not having a father around is very real, but the healing and recovery of all of those years you go through torn a part, is found at the hands of Christ. Just open up your Bible, and find out who your Father really is.
I was not a teen mom, because I was a selfish teen, thankfully. I cared about others and took care of others, but I was not going to be called “mommy”. If I carried on living life on my own terms, I would probably be having my first child now, or in my early 30’s. Thank God for redirecting. I tried the boyfriend thing and it was a disaster, and a waste of my precious time. Then I moved out and on my own at 19, and discovered that men thirst for attention sometimes more than women. I had the infamous creepy neighbor. He was a low grade stalker, or perhaps I was just not use to a man being so straight forward with his advancements……….NO, nope! Stalker tendencies all the way. One day I was on the other side of the street talking to a friend while she was working. Suddenly we hear this voice from the distance yelling; “Raven! Raven!” I learned to use my middle name rather than my first, in some necessary situations, after this one. I was looking around because I could not see anyone, I just heard my name. I squinted my eyes and narrowed in like a turkey vulture, and sure enough……IT WAS HIM! I lifted my hand to give an awkward wave, as he was flaring both of his arms waving. He invited me for coffee, which I kindly declined…..”due to work”……Mama told me not to talk to strange men. My older sister gave me some lovely advice as well; “Don’t think you can go crazy just because you live on your own.” Then one day, it all ended. Apparently he was using his “child support” money for other things. How did I know this? I lived in Florida, windows stayed open, and I lived right next to him. Oh yes, also, his mother called him out on his front :). Mom’s will do this. I laughed to myself, and I thought; “Ugh! He’s a dad not paying for his kid, and he’s trying to talk to me?Maaaaan Please!” I learned a great lesson that day. Deadbeat daddies come in all shapes and colors, not just black. Society tries to pin this ugly statistic on black fathers more than any other type of men. Well, this man was preppy white. This will be hidden in the census.
As I reclaim my sanity with my “fatherless” status, I still keep getting reminded that the marital issues that I have had, the personal problems that I have had, all goes back to not being; “A daddies girl.” Perhaps when I was a girl who did not know Christ Jesus, this was true. However, as a grown woman, I make my mistakes purely by my own choice…..Hence the words “MY MISTAKES.” As an adult who has come into the knowledge of truth according to scriptures, God does not give me the right to blame my father. Quite the contrary. He tells me to honor my mother and father. Whether or not I was planned, it took a man and a woman to be the vessels that brought me fourth for God’s glory. I was going to get here some how. I can’t take pitty in myself anymore, and I am not mad at my father. Jesus took his place, and He knew that He would all along. If there is one great thing that my father has done for me…..he has given my hands a lot to write and type about 🙂 .
HAPPY FATHERS DAY! To all of you dads who are there 200% for your children, there 50% of the time, perhaps not even there at all. If God says you can change, I believe it to. God Bless!