My home has finally quieted down. I made my hot drink. I have my Mozart cranked up fairly high in my earphones and I am ready to get lost in my writing. I guess that is my theme for the remainder of this evening. When you struggle to get out of that place and state of….”now what”…….pray for direction and get lost in your writing. There is no better place, to safely wonder off, than your notepad.
I do not have to be a parent when I write….thinking about every little thing from what to make for snacks, to picking up scattered hot wheels cars from off of the floor. I do not have to be a wife…..thinking of how to help my husband prepare for his day. I can just be me….Raven. Sometimes I would like to take a sabbatical from those roles for one week, and just be called by my birth name.
I came to the conclusion that God gave me my writing, not only to bring glory to His name, but He also knew that I would not so easily conform and would rather eat glass before this happened. I would always have something to say, a situation to high light, a complaint of sorts, an irritation with man kind and a fascination with them as well. A burden for the church and rage against the mess that pops up too often in the house of the Lord. He knew I would need a place and an outlet to store my words. He knew how to save me. I must say Lord God, Your hands are full with me….but ad least I trust that you can handle me. You are GREATLY loved.
It’s people like the Paul’s of this world, that give me hope, that only God is able. The more I read my Bible, the more I trust people……less and less. Rather, I empathize with them, knowing that we are just dust and will soon have to give an account before Jesus, for our choices. Everyone in my life that has seemed extremely strong in the faith, I have seen them as being extremely weak, including myself. I can’t imagine admitting to the lie that I am a strong woman. I am not. Whatever strength that I have is from the Lord. You can not live in this world and survive on your own strength.
So I sit on in the stillness of my home, not knowing what tomorrow will bring and not really caring at the moment. It is with great delight that I can spend my evening being “Raven…..the writer”, an audacious human being and reverencing the Lord for His worthiness and His love for me.
2 Corinthians 12: 9-10 (kjv)
“And He said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: My strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ’s sake: For when I am weak, then am I strong.”