When I attribute my son’s future to him being an exquisite man, a humble, understanding and loving husband and an outstanding father, It all starts with the lessons I give to him in responsibly picking up his teddy bears and trucks and placing them back where he got them from.
He often asks, with a sometimes whimpering high pitched whine; “Mooommyyyyyyy, why do I have to clean?” Me; “Well, my dear….you made the mess.” Him; “But it takes too long! How long is it going to take?” Me; “As long as it takes for you to clean it.” He wants for me to give him a specific time….2 minutes, 5 minutes, an hour. When he decides that he wants to be Jeremiah “Guevara” and form “THE RESISTANCE TO CLEANING”, I end up getting the eye twitch. I have to suit up with my head gear, bullet proof vest and combat boots and become sergeant mom. When it is all over, I will curl up in the corner of the couch and cry. The battle can get that deep. 😀
Then there are those days where, he is the greatest housekeeper and will clean without being told to do so. towards the end of each cleaning session…good or bad, I always let him know; ” If you want to be a great man and a great helper, you have to be responsible in your own home, first. You are being a responsible man, by cleaning up your toys, helping mommy pick up, taking your dishes to the sink, cleaning your spot at the table, pushing in your chair, etc. etc.” He feels so accomplished when he finishes these tasks, even if at first it was a fight getting there. That fight is worth it, when you see your son responsibly doing these things on his own after a while.
I do not have a fear of my son growing up and being a lazy man. I have a refusal to see that happen. All of us mother’s want our son’s to be ours. We love loving them, hugging them, kissing them, spoiling them, babying them, being there for them, and even if we do not like doing it….cleaning up after them. This is so normal and showing them how to be tender and sensitive through our tenderness and sensitivity towards them, is so important for these little guys to see and to experience so that they will grow up to understand their wives and daughters. When this love becomes unhealthy and incomparable, is when we can’t live without our sons to the point that we enable them to be lazy, irresponsible, as well as clueless, because we feel that being a loving mother means giving our boys a ticket to not do for themselves.
What some do not want to realize, is that, your little boys hit puberty, go through changes, and eventually become men, and you find yourself not being the only woman in his life. Everything that you taught him as a little boy, he carries it over into his manhood, and into every relationship that he forms, with friends, his spouse and his children.
I believe as mothers, we have the responsibility to teach our son’s to not see themselves as kings sitting high on their thrones who need to be waited on, but as humble servants who, when they live Godly, they will not have to puff themselves up and feel that they are entitled, but others will notice their humble and ideal attributes and favor will be given to them. When we read the scriptures, Jesus was a humble servant and helper. He did not walk around in a crown and golden laced robes calling out demands and commands. He worked, He helped and He was obedient. He served others around Him. While He was and is King, He carried Himself humbly amongst others.
What parents have to understand, is that the upbringing of our boys, will shape them into the kind of men, husbands and fathers they will be. If you are a mom who does everything for your son while he lies around and takes on no responsibility….he will grow up expecting his wife to be his maid. If you are a father physically living in your home but absent from your children, most likely, he will be the same with his children. Thus resulting in so many broken homes. Dad’s, this is no excuse to blame your parents. They taught you, what they were taught. Break that toxic cycle! You are grown men. Change your ways so your children will be Blessed and carry on those Blessings to their own families someday. If they are not Blessed, they will be cursed.
I want to hold on to my son forever, but being the fact that, that is not reality, I want to ad least have peace knowing that, when he is ready to be released into ministry, college, the world, single life, marriage and family, he will be absolutely ready for it. 🙂