Such a sensitive topic, yet one that the church as a whole needs to be more sensitive and realistic about. Not just our Pastors, who I am sure have counseled many facing that demon of suicide, but every elder, minister, choir leader, singer, usher, youth ministers, the church as a whole.
I can remember being in a place in my life for a long time, where I was extremely volatile towards myself. I had no one near that I trusted to reach out to, and those close enough had eyes and hearts tightly shut anyhow. I needed to talk and reach out to people who would not tell me that I needed to pray harder, fast, get closer to God. When your mind is in a self-inflicting state, you do not know how to do any of that.
I have become so aggravated with how easy it is for us to talk about extramarital affairs, pornography addictions, abusive behavior, but seldom do we hear about SUICIDE……even though, and I can guarantee it, that with how troublesome life can feel and become, more than a few people in the church that you go to, either have attempted, are still contemplating it, and are right on the edge of the bridge of life ready to jump to their deaths…..some, literally.
We have to learn to look past a smiling face, an eager server, perfect Sunday attendance and understand that sometimes, that is a cover. People are so weighed down these days, that the only way that they see relief, is through death. Shame, causes so many to hide what they are going through. External judgment from people keep the topic of suicide a pacified demon in the church, allowing it to grow and conquer.
Being Apostolic/Pentecostal does not make us any less susceptible to this reality. Speaking from experience, I know many of us who had to battle that suicidal demon, and many times, ALONE. If it had not been for the Lord who was ON MY SIDE……..When something this serious is not brought to the attention of the entire congregation, people will suffer in silence. We have lost many brothers and sisters along the way to suicide. Let me just say this, when the church lacks hospitality, in-care and out-care ministry, pure understanding and love with the ability to just listen, we let souls slip through the cracks. PEOPLE GO THROUGH! If we can not grab their hearts from the beginning, we may not be able to at all. We need to be completely open to the Lord in order to move in discernment with patience, sincerity, kindness, understanding, humbleness, meekness, and no judgement. You may have it all together today, but it could be you tomorrow in a hotel room with a bottle of whiskey and a gun pointed to your temple, a bottle of pills in one hand and your mind somewhere else, a razor blade to your wrist or a noose around your neck.
Let NOTHING be more important than Jesus…..not your career, not your accolade’s, not your failures, not your family, not your bills and debts, not your issues, because the moment these things become your god and first priority in your life, is when anxiety takes root and you give way to the devil and his demon workers. As long as you have life in your body you can change your scenery through the living word of God. Unnatural death is not the solution to your issues, even if it seems like it now. Your mind will change. Your eyes will become less blurred and those giants you are facing, once you get a little bit closer to them, you realize that they are not bigger than Christ. We overcome through Jesus Christ. We overcome by literally speaking life into the open. We overcome!
Remember: We will ALLLLLL have our dirty laundry aired out one day, so PLEASE do not let ANYONE make you feel ashamed of your mistakes, of your secrets, of your unwanted addictions and habits. Talk! Talk! and Talk some more! Do not keep your pain bottled up. PRAY, even if this means all you do is cry in the presence of the Lord. He knows what your saying through your tears. He is the comforter and in Him you will find rest. I PROMISE!!!
Good morning! Enjoy and appreciate the life God Blessed you with, even if problematic right now. The storm eventually calms. Take cover in Christ. He does not care about the messiness of your life. He wants you no matter what. It is because of our shortcomings and sins that He died so that we could be saved. He loves us that much! 🙂
What steps brought you to this very moment?
Was it constant cluelessness and voidance of atonement?
Could one word or gesture have changed your mind?
Was it already too late….an impossible climb?
I want to say that I am sorry, but you left unannounced.
The image of that tree, that noose, embedded in my mind, as your ending was pronounced.
“Why did he do this?” Was my question at hand.
No answers to give. No comfort from man.
I should have prayed harder and kept in touch,
but my life became a rubix cube….I could not figure out much.
However, I had enough sanity to ad least give you a call.
Maybe care through a phone line would have kept you from your fall.
I will always carry a bit of guilt, that will keep me on my toes…
to remind me that there are secrets some carry, that many do not know.
Personal demons being fought, that birth hopelessness in thought.
One moment in bliss, the next moment bound and caught.
Understanding that this selfishness comes from unwanted pain.
I empathize because I traveled on that very lane.
Life tends to swallow its victims whole if we disconnect from God,
but even the chosen sometimes think twice; “Is it worth living?”
For many that thought is broad.
From the depths of my soul, I need you to know,
that in spite of how unclear things may be,
I feel your anguish and I know it hurts…
but through Jesus, you will be free.