Suicide….(By Raven Nicole`)

Such  a  sensitive  topic,  yet  one  that  the  church  as  a  whole  needs  to  be  more  sensitive  and  realistic  about.  Not  just  our  Pastors,  who  I  am  sure  have  counseled  many  facing  that  demon  of  suicide,  but  every  elder,  minister,  choir  leader,  singer,  usher,  youth  ministers,  the  church  as  a  whole.  

I  can  remember  being  in  a  place in  my  life  for  a  long  time,  where  I  was extremely  volatile  towards  myself.  I  had  no  one  near  that  I  trusted  to reach  out  to,  and  those  close  enough  had  eyes  and  hearts  tightly  shut  anyhow.  I  needed  to  talk  and  reach  out  to  people  who  would  not  tell  me  that  I  needed  to  pray  harder,  fast,  get  closer  to  God.  When  your  mind  is  in  a  self-inflicting  state,  you  do  not  know  how  to  do  any  of  that. 

I  have  become  so  aggravated  with  how  easy  it  is  for  us  to talk  about  extramarital  affairs,  pornography addictions,  abusive  behavior,  but  seldom  do  we  hear  about  SUICIDE……even  though,  and  I  can  guarantee  it,  that  with  how  troublesome  life  can  feel  and  become,  more  than  a  few  people  in  the  church  that  you  go  to,  either  have  attempted,  are  still  contemplating  it,  and  are  right  on  the  edge  of  the  bridge  of  life  ready  to  jump  to  their  deaths…..some,  literally. 

We  have  to  learn  to  look  past  a  smiling  face,  an  eager  server,  perfect  Sunday  attendance  and  understand  that  sometimes,  that  is  a  cover.  People  are  so  weighed  down  these  days,  that  the  only  way  that  they  see  relief,  is  through  death.  Shame,  causes  so  many  to  hide  what  they  are  going  through.  External  judgment  from  people  keep  the  topic  of  suicide  a  pacified  demon  in  the  church,  allowing  it  to  grow  and  conquer.

Being  Apostolic/Pentecostal  does  not  make us  any  less  susceptible  to  this  reality.  Speaking  from  experience,  I  know  many  of  us  who  had  to  battle  that  suicidal  demon,  and  many  times,  ALONE.  If  it  had  not  been  for  the  Lord  who  was  ON  MY  SIDE……..When  something  this  serious  is  not  brought  to  the  attention  of  the  entire  congregation,  people  will  suffer  in  silence.  We  have  lost  many  brothers  and  sisters  along  the  way  to  suicide.  Let  me  just  say  this,  when  the  church  lacks  hospitality,  in-care  and  out-care  ministry,  pure  understanding  and  love  with  the  ability  to  just  listen,   we  let  souls  slip  through  the  cracks.  PEOPLE  GO  THROUGH!  If  we  can  not  grab  their  hearts  from  the  beginning,  we  may  not  be  able  to  at all.  We  need  to  be  completely  open  to  the  Lord  in  order  to  move in  discernment  with  patience,  sincerity,  kindness,  understanding,  humbleness,  meekness,  and  no  judgement.  You  may  have  it  all  together  today,  but  it  could  be  you  tomorrow  in  a  hotel  room  with  a bottle  of  whiskey  and  a  gun  pointed  to  your  temple,  a  bottle  of  pills  in  one  hand  and  your  mind  somewhere  else,  a  razor  blade  to  your  wrist  or  a  noose  around  your  neck. 

Let  NOTHING  be more  important  than  Jesus…..not  your  career,  not  your  accolade’s,  not  your  failures,  not  your  family,  not  your  bills  and debts,  not  your  issues,  because  the  moment  these  things  become  your  god  and  first  priority  in  your  life,  is  when  anxiety  takes  root  and  you  give  way  to  the  devil  and  his  demon  workers.   As  long  as  you  have  life  in  your  body  you  can  change  your  scenery  through  the  living  word  of  God.  Unnatural  death  is  not  the  solution  to  your  issues,  even  if  it  seems  like  it  now.  Your  mind  will  change.  Your  eyes  will  become  less  blurred  and  those  giants  you  are  facing, once  you  get  a  little  bit  closer  to  them,  you  realize  that  they are  not  bigger  than  Christ.  We  overcome  through  Jesus  Christ.  We  overcome  by  literally  speaking  life  into  the  open.  We  overcome!

Remember:  We  will  ALLLLLL  have  our  dirty  laundry  aired  out  one  day,  so  PLEASE  do  not  let  ANYONE  make  you  feel  ashamed  of  your  mistakes,  of  your secrets,  of  your  unwanted  addictions  and  habits.  Talk!  Talk!  and  Talk  some more!  Do  not  keep your  pain  bottled  up.  PRAY,  even  if this means  all  you  do  is  cry  in  the  presence  of  the  Lord.  He  knows  what  your  saying  through  your  tears.  He  is  the  comforter  and  in  Him  you  will  find  rest.  I  PROMISE!!!

Good  morning!  Enjoy  and  appreciate  the  life  God  Blessed  you  with,  even  if  problematic  right  now.  The  storm  eventually  calms.  Take  cover  in  Christ. He  does  not  care  about  the messiness  of  your  life.  He  wants  you  no  matter  what.  It  is  because  of  our  shortcomings  and  sins  that  He  died  so  that  we  could be  saved.  He  loves  us  that  much!  🙂

What steps brought you to this very moment?
Was it constant cluelessness and voidance of atonement?
Could one word or gesture have changed your mind?
Was it already too late….an impossible climb?
I want to say that I am sorry, but you left unannounced.
The image of that tree, that noose, embedded in my mind, as your ending was pronounced.
“Why did he do this?” Was my question at hand.
No answers to give. No comfort from man.
I should have prayed harder and kept in touch,
but my life became a rubix cube….I could not figure out much.
However, I had enough sanity to ad least give you a call.
Maybe care through a phone line would have kept you from your fall.
I will always carry a bit of guilt, that will keep me on my toes…
to remind me that there are secrets some carry, that many do not know.
Personal demons being fought, that birth hopelessness in thought.
One moment in bliss, the next moment bound and caught.
Understanding that this selfishness comes from unwanted pain.
I empathize because I traveled on that very lane.
Life tends to swallow its victims whole if we disconnect from God,
but even the chosen sometimes think twice; “Is it worth living?”
For many that thought is broad.
From the depths of my soul, I need you to know,
that in  spite of how unclear things may be,
I feel your anguish and I know it hurts…
but through Jesus, you will be free.

God Bless!

❤ Raven


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