What do you love about yourself?
Talking on the phone with my mother, does one of several things: defines my reason and being, annoys me….let’s be honest…parents are parents at any age :), convicts me, blesses me, and makes me realize that I let way too many things hinder my happiness. Yesterday my mother said: “Raven, stop explaining yourself! You are letting too many things get you down, and you don’t have to explain yourself to folks anymore.” I would normally disagree, because I am one to believe that explanation is crucial so that offenses will not be put forth towards others. I do not want to offend people on purpose, so I do an awful lot of explaining. The problem with that now is, I am left feeling angry, irritable, and wondering what people are going to think and how they are perceiving me after hearing my *business. My thorough explanations are exhausting to me, I can only imagine the receiver.
Enough is enough. Plainly said, no one needs to know more than necessary. If I offend, then apologies are owed, but breaking down my heart, my soul and emotions to state my case *clearly, is not worth my happiness nor my peace of mind. I love my youth too much, to grow old before my time. Life is already full of heart aches and mess that we have to be able to live through and grow from. Why put extra strain on yourself? I know that pillow is missing your head indents and slobber J. Life can be a wrecking ball, but not enough to let it give you sleep deprivation…..given the more serious things that happen.
Waiting for people’s subtle response after you have spilled your heart and soul, is like waiting in a prison cell for someone to bail you out. That is one of the worse feelings……knowing that they hold your secrets and “going throughs” in a satchel, and you just hope and pray that they do not misplace that bag with your explanations in it…..for someone else to get a hold of.
Sigh of relief…when you realize that we are all human, and will face 1 judge in the end. My secrets do not scare me, getting them out in the open is like achieving a marathon sometimes. That eerie silence when people are taken back when they hear what comes out of your mouth…can we say crickets and LOUD micro pen drops? 😉 I love my transparency because I am here for one life time. I love how God gives me words to encourage, because they also encourage me in my darkest moments. I love that I can sit here and write to all of you, unapologetically.
So, what do you love about yourselves? 🙂
Love, Raven Nicole`