I think we need to get to the bottom of what that term grief/grieving means. I am doing this a little backwards right now, but, I write as it comes. So let us have a small briefing. Affliction or loss, sharp sorrow, painful regret. Okay…..so all of these meanings are very heavy. As they should be , because grief is intense. We must also understand that grief is not just set aside for death.
I found myself having to explain to people who do not understand. When any capacity of your life changes suddenly, in such turbulence, you grieve. Maybe some have a different testimony. I own this one.
What once was…..is no longer. What dreams you had…..are not the dreams that you are reaching for . Everything that you thought about life, is not what it really is. You have to learn how to adapt to life. Life does not adapt to you.
Even though God has healed our son from his cavernous malformation, there are still “things” that we have had to come to terms with and that we are yet coming to terms with. When we look through old pictures and see his perfectly lined up smile on his perfectly even face…..that is what he use to be. Now, that perfect smile on that perfect little face is still *perfect and beautiful, but one side of his mouth smiles, while the other side stays still. One half of his face is expressive, while the other half is “frozen”…..as our 4 year old says. We grieve over that.
As we watch him in his therapies, we still wonder; “How did we get here?” We still think; “I can’t believe that we are here.” You do not get use to your child going through more physical adversities than you. In fact, I deal with anger on a greater level these days. I have also dealt with an overwhelming grip of guilt when he was diagnosed at 2 years old.
While at home with my son and we are in the midst of play time or school, and I see him pinching his face where he has no feeling from time to time, I have to remind myself to take a break and just release some tears when I can…..usually in the kitchen while I am fixing him lunch. Crying is like medicine. It heals better than anger.
5 They that sow in tears shall reap in joy.
6 He that goeth forth and weepeth, bearing precious seed, shall doubtless come again with rejoicing, bringing his sheaves with him.
The world is all about rushing. We rush to get to work. We rush through traffic. We rush when at work, running errands, eating…..we even rush through commercials by fast forwarding what we do not feel like watching. When it comes to grieving there is no set time for when it ends, nor can a person or people be rushed through it.
For some, the fact that our son has already gone through his surgery….”the worse is over…” that should be enough for us to move on, get over it, and stop dealing with it. For others, even family, this trial has ended. However, we are the parents whom are still living through it. It will never end for us. Our son’s health ordeal, has become the ordeal of myself and my husband. We still face future MRI’s, and over all, we will forever have memories that will serve as testimony.
Grief is not something you just live with. It is a moment in life where you need those who you can trust spiritually, helping you to tread those rough waters so that you will not drown in it. For certain we come out of it by the grace and mercy of God. The greatest lesson that we learn while we are in it, is appreciation.